Sunday, August 19, 2007
25 Reasons I Owe My Mother
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all the spinach and olives are gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all the spinach and olives are gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
The REAL Cat Lady!
If this was in the States, the ASPCA and PETA would be all over this lady's ass! But apparently these cats are all well cared for and fed enough that the authorities - and her neighbors - aren't complaining! 130 cats!!! Here's the clip from Russian news:
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Don't Bother Watching Sicko
Quite frankly, the idea of having a fat slob tell me what's wrong with our health care system just rubs me the wrong way. If you want to see an enlightening, 5-minute video that condenses everything Sicko claims to expose, this one's for you.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Pig into Space
Check out this old series of shots from the former Soviet Union. One of the early rocket tests during the 60's race to space. Step One: Get Mr. Piggy nice and drunk!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Some Fun Kid Vids Tonight
First one is What are You Gonna Do to the Monster? and the second one is Babies Eating Lemons - great little faces!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Generic Cereal Mascots
So Kellog's Frosted Flakes has Tony the Tiger and General Mills has Cap'n Crunch. What about all those bagged generic cereals they sell at your grocery store?
Friday, July 20, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
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Elephant Stew
Cut one elephant into small bite-sized pieces (this takes about two months). Add enough gravy to cover. Cook over kerosene fire for four weeks at 465 deg. F. This will serve about 3,800. If more are expected, then two rabbits may be added, but do this only if absolutely necessary because most people don't like hare in their stew.Monday, July 16, 2007
Serious Weight Loss
This guy has got to be one of the most dramatic weight loss stories I've ever seen. The entire set of photos is HERE and they document his entire transformation into the new dude he is today! After his remarkable weight loss, he had to undergo operations to get rid of all that excess skin. Whew! (BTW 1 kg = 2.2 lbs so he lost over 350 lbs!)
Monday, July 09, 2007
Saturday, July 07, 2007
The Paycheck
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time...
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a check for a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "paycheck" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."
"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the damn sheet rock..."
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a check for a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "paycheck" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."
"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the damn sheet rock..."
Friday, July 06, 2007
Time Travel for Amateurs
From AtomFilms: "How much would you pay to hire a couple of goons to travel back in time and be your playground enforcers?"
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
A Practical World Stats Clock
Want to know the population of the world at this very moment? How about divorces in the US or current astrological sign? Nice little piece of Flash coding HERE.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Where are They Today? Part 79.
Remember this cover from the breakthrough Nirvana Nevermind album released in 1991? My son and his friends played it constantly and it became the anthem CD for teen angst in the early 90's.Here's the kid - Spencer Eldin - who was the swimming baby on that cover. He's 17 years old today! Here's the blurb about the album on Wikipedia HERE and they include background on the idea behind the cover as well as a link to more information about Spencer.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
South Pacific Magic
Check out this set of pictures that a couple took while cruising the South Pacific in their yacht. A once-in-a-lifetime event - if you're lucky. And we get to see the pictures. So you gotta wonder about ships that simply disappear in the middle of the ocean...
Monday, June 18, 2007
What Can You Buy on eBay?
It never ceases to amaze me - some of the stuff people post for sale on eBay (and actually sell!). And the Buyers that buy this stuff! Take this American Motors Eagle Premiere. Nothing different about it really. Except for the cut right down the middle of this car. Check out the 15 pics posted HERE.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Departmentally Classifying Employees
Departmentally Classifying Employees
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyze the situation:
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyze the situation:
- a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
- b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
- c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
- d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
- e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
- f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
- g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology
- h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
- i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
- j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
- k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
- l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
- m. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.
Check Out Your American Accent
| My own accent results (in spite of my Canadian accent!): Midland! ("Midland" is not necessarily the same thing as "Midwest") The default, lowest-common-denominator American accent that newscasters try to imitate. Since it's a neutral accent, just because you have a Midland accent doesn't mean you're from the Midland.
|
| Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
Great Comeback of the Year
From my friend, Betty, who has a son on his way over to Iraq:
OH HELL YEAH!
You Gotta Love This Comeback
One of my sons serves in the military. He is still stateside, here in California. He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming people were to him, and his troops, everywhere he goes, telling me how people shake their hands, and thank them for being willing to serve, and fight, for not only our own freedoms but so that others may have them also.
But he also told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from the base. He said that ahead of several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha.
He said when she got to the cashier, she loudly remarked about the U.S. flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock. The cashier reached up and touched the pin and said proudly, "Yes, I always wear it and probably always will."
The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi.
A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting his arm around my son's shoulders, and nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman:
"Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like this young man have fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn't need to be there today. But, hey - if you have now learned how to speak out so loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are obviously here in MY country to avoid."
Everyone within hearing distance cheered!
-- Betty
OH HELL YEAH!
You Gotta Love This Comeback
One of my sons serves in the military. He is still stateside, here in California. He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming people were to him, and his troops, everywhere he goes, telling me how people shake their hands, and thank them for being willing to serve, and fight, for not only our own freedoms but so that others may have them also.
But he also told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from the base. He said that ahead of several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha.
He said when she got to the cashier, she loudly remarked about the U.S. flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock. The cashier reached up and touched the pin and said proudly, "Yes, I always wear it and probably always will."
The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi.
A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting his arm around my son's shoulders, and nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman:
"Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like this young man have fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn't need to be there today. But, hey - if you have now learned how to speak out so loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are obviously here in MY country to avoid."
Everyone within hearing distance cheered!
-- Betty
Monday, June 11, 2007
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Liquid Sculpture from Martin Waugh
This is a collection of stop motion photographs of liquids caught in one frame of time from photographer, Martin Waugh HERE. You can purchase prints on the site. Beautiful.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
San Francisco Right After the 1906 Earthquake
They took some incredible panorama shots in those days. One amazingly well-preserved photograph!
No, I Didn't Post This
But it sure sounds familiar! Ha Ha Ha! Read the rest of the piece HERE. The last sentence is my favorite.
What Does Gas Cost in Other Parts of the World?
I still remember my travels in Europe from the late 60's and 70's when gas was well under a buck over here in North America. After checking my math a couple of times just to get over the shock, I came to the realization that gas was around $4.00 a gallon in most of the European countries even back then. Back in Canada these days, by the time you calculate the liters to US gallons and the Canadian dollars to US dollars, Canadian gas runs somewhere around $4.50 - $5.00 a gallon (USD)! Hmmm -- maybe that's why my daughter has me fill up her tank for her when she comes back down here from Vancouver every couple of weeks...Anyway, WNBC Channel 4 from New York did a recent slide show of what gas costs in other countries. There's more than one surprise in there; for example, gas is as low as 17¢ a gallon in Hugo Chavez' Venezuela.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Motley Crue Wants to Keep Paris Hilton in Jail!
Sign Motley Crue's petition to The Governator to keep Paris Hilton in jail. On their MySpace page HERE (lower your volume before going there!).
Tennessee Pot Farm
Check out this site complete with photos. If you read further down, you'll see how these guys got caught.
Whacked Greeting Cards
Sick and tired of all those smarmy e-cards? How about something completely different? SomeEcards.
How to Look Busy at Work
Download these forms HERE and walk around the office like you're actually doing something!
Monday, May 21, 2007
Top 10 Redneck Scrapbook Pics
Neal Boortz has an ongoing post from his picture collection of redneck shots that his visitors send him. HERE's a link to his Top 10 from 2006. My personal favorite? The Redneck Electric Toothbrush. (Of course!)
Saturday, May 19, 2007
How Fair Use and Copyright Work
Everything the layman really needs to know about Fair Use and Copyright in 10 minutes. As compiled into a parody using a series of clips from none other than Disney animations to get the point across. Originally presented by Bucknell law professor Eric Faden on the CyberLaw site HERE. And of course, already up on YouTube. Check it out before it gets a takedown notice from Disney!
Friday, May 18, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Power of Numbers
This site is absolutely the most impressive way I've ever seen to impress the impact of numbers in a dramatically visual way.This example is an enlargement from the piece Plastic Bottles (2007) which "depicts two million plastic beverage bottles, the number used in the US every five minutes."
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Latawnya, The Naughty Horse
So this librarian discovers an obscure "children's" book on the shelf while cleaning out the old stuff (referred to as "weeding" in librarian circles BTW). You have to read the book online HERE to completely appreciate it. I kind of doubt this made it any award-winning acclaim.
Fight Al Gore: Buy a Carbon Debit!
Don't like Al Gore and the Left's Carbon Credit Loonie Tunes? Well, you can buy a Carbon DEBIT on CarbonCreditKillers.com. I love it! Great parody!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
The Weirdest-Ass Post in Months
Yow! All I can say is, "Beat this post!" This is one strange piece of writing (HERE). And yes, he's right -- we don't know insane.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Snow White's Apology
Tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. Disney will hold a press conference to apologize for the Seven Dwarfs singing "Hi Ho, Hi Ho" in the story, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Current plans are to remove from sale all items associated with this racist epic including books, dolls, apparel and
movies.
Later in the week the Seven Dwarfs will appear on the Al Sharpton radio show to make individual apologies and undergo several hours of groveling.
Jesse Jackson has not been contacted for comment. His office stated that he and his personal secretary were attending a meeting in the Bahamas. His people at PUSH hinted that a large protest is being scheduled at Disney World.
Snow White couldn't be reached for comment but later, she and Jesse are meeting privately to discuss the matter.
Earlier in the week, Blackbeard was fired and escorted off the premises for uttering his trademark, "Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum.
Later in the week the Seven Dwarfs will appear on the Al Sharpton radio show to make individual apologies and undergo several hours of groveling.
Jesse Jackson has not been contacted for comment. His office stated that he and his personal secretary were attending a meeting in the Bahamas. His people at PUSH hinted that a large protest is being scheduled at Disney World.
Snow White couldn't be reached for comment but later, she and Jesse are meeting privately to discuss the matter.
Earlier in the week, Blackbeard was fired and escorted off the premises for uttering his trademark, "Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum.
Popular Mechanics Debunks the 9/11 Conspiracy Myths - March 2005
This crisp and well-documented answer to the various conspiracy theories about the 9/11 attacks was first published as a cover story in the March, 2005 issue of Popular Mechanics.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Experiment with McDonald's Food
Brought to you by Morgan Spurlock, the creator of the hit indie film, Supersize Me. Glad I stopped eating fast food like this. Guess which item lasted the longest? Gross!
Thursday, May 03, 2007
So Much for Copyright Promises in China
Bloggers everywhere have been posting links and images of this 'It's NOT a rip-off of DisneyWorld' children's theme park in China. Unbelievably blantant thievery on a level like I've never seen. Oh -- and that's not Minnie Mouse with Donald duck in the picture; it's a cat with big round ears, according to the park's owners.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Goodbye to the Normals
An incredibly cute clip from an upcoming feature from Robbie Williams' Rudebox. The kid's a natural!
Phuc Vu Thong Dich!
Well-intended signs can make for interesting reading. Especially when you're sitting around in the hospital Emergency waiting room for hours. I took my daughter in to Vancouver General yesterday afternoon to get checked for signs of meningitis after she kept getting sicker and sicker all week long. After clearing over an hour of bureaucratic waiting, form-filling and more waiting, they finally moved us into the "registered patient waiting area" -- to wait some more before she finally got assigned to an examination room.Well, you can only read so many health brochures and magazines so you start looking around for something -- anything -- else to read. This sign went completely unnoticed until I pointed it out and suddenly everyone in the waiting room noticed it. Sometimes, English translation can create interesting reading (This one's for you, Thach!)...
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Ant Nests
Yep. Ant nests. This dude over at Florida State University either loves to study how ants live or he just likes pouring Plaster of Paris into ant hills. Either way, the results are simply incredible after he unearths the dried plaster molds of the ant nests. Here's a link to the article and the attached pics from the Journal of Insect Science.
Monday, April 23, 2007
The Best Error Page
Here's a screenshot of the page title. Read the rest of it HERE. There's actually some good advice!
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Inside the Magic 8 Ball
Ever wonder how a Magic 8 Ball does its magic? The folks at hanttula.com have dissected one so you won't have to.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Finally! Family Cheat Sheet Revealed!
First cousin, twice removed. Or how about third cousin, once removed? Where does every one of those cousins stand in your family tree? At last, a cheat sheet to figure out where to find everyone in your family line.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
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