Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
I think your idea for a debate is a wonderful idea. Here's a Google Map to help you find the place. In fact, I'm sending Air Force One over there to pick you up right now.
George W. Bush
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 and Racing 3.6 no longer run , crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
A Troubled User
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony - Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT - under any circumstances - install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Monday, August 14, 2006
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a name. He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a worse name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third.
This went on for about 20 minutes. It seems the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Oh well, I didn't care: My car was parked around the corner and this one had a "Hillary in '08" bumper sticker on it.
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at our age.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Friday, August 04, 2006
Rumors are flying that the spoof was created by DCI, a PR firm out of DC that represents clients such as Exxon. So who cares? If Steve Colbert and Jon Stewart can freely create satire that gets distributed virally, maybe we can finally get a few chuckles out of Al, too.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
|Here's security camera footage of a notebook being stolen during business hours at a store. More and more businesses have been installing cameras as prices continue to drop and the technology gets easier and easier to use. But crooks also seem to be getting dumber and dumber...|
|Commercials that I actually remember seeing on that old black-and-white Admiral TV screen. Yes, I'm really THAT old! Ah for the old days! This is a collection of vintage ads in public domain and available to download at Internet Archive.|