Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am -- a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection... Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
Monday, June 27, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Wonder Woman off her Atkins Diet!
Retired Hooters Girls on parade:
And the nastiest of the bunch, a bad example of wasted body painting:
Monday, June 20, 2005
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple married as childhood sweethearts and moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money -- fifty-thousand dollars!
Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
Sally said, "No."
Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . "
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here..."
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Friday, June 10, 2005
Jimmy Buffett Phone Fiasco
Bill Clinton gets crank-called by finder of singer's lost cell
JUNE 8--A Florida busboy who found singer Jimmy Buffett's cell phone--and then proceeded to keep it for a week--told cops that his buddies may have crank-called former President Bill Clinton, whose number was stored in the phone's directory. According to the below Lake Worth Police Department report, Jason Martin, 22, found Buffett's phone outside a Cuban jazz club where the singer partied in late May. According to an amusing story in today's Palm Beach Post, Martin and his cronies scrolled through the phone's address book (while they were "smoking weed") and marveled at the high caliber of Buffett's address book, which included ex-presidents Clinton and Jimmy Carter, Al Gore, Bill Gates, Harrison Ford, George Clooney, and musicians from rapper Cam'ron to country singer Alan Jackson. After rejecting Buffett entreaties (and a $200 reward) for the phone's return, Martin finally surrendered the item after cops and Secret Service agents showed up at his home Saturday. As a reward for his telephone intransigence, Martin, who is pictured at right in a mug shot from a 2002 arrest, was fired from his job at the Cuban joint.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Friday, June 03, 2005
1. Cathay Pacific, Hong Kong
2. Qantas Airways, Australia
3. Emirates, Dubai
4. Singapore Airlines, Singapore
5. British Airways, United Kingdom
6. Malaysia Airlines, Malaysia
7. Thai Airways, Thailand
8. Qatar Airways, Qatar
9. Asiana Airlines, South Korea
10. ANA All Nippon Airways, Japan
A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.
"What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says... "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
Eric Grohe is a mural painter from Marysville WA of all places (his wife, Kathy, is also an artist and often works as the project manager). The guy's work is fantastic and sure beats plain ugly walls or even worse -- nasty billboards! Here's a step-by-step of one mural he completed for a nursing school. Be sure to scroll all the way down to view the indoor murals he painted for Miller Brewing in Milwaukee. Way to go, Eric!
Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. El costo de la producción es $80.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Couple's secrets for long marriage
June 1, 2005
A BRITISH couple recognised as having had the world's longest marriage recorded were celebrating their 80th anniversary today, and revealed the secret to wedded bliss as never letting arguments fester.Or, as 105-year-old Percy Arrowsmith put it more succinctly, the regular use of two words: "Yes, dear."
Mr Arrowsmith and his 100-year-old wife, Florence, were married on June 1, 1925, about the time a little-known politician, Adolf Hitler, was putting the finishing touches to Mein Kampf.
A series of newspapers featured their story today, with Mrs Arrowsmith attributing the success of their union to hard work and never going to bed with an argument unresolved.
"It has not been easy, but worth every minute because he is much more than my best friend: he is the love of my life," she said.
"We don't argue much these days, only when I want to watch the soaps (soap operas) on television, which he hates."
The Arrowsmiths have been certified as record-holders by the Guinness Book of World Records, the reports added, beating a Japanese couple who stayed together for 78 years and 296 days from 1926.