Why a Dress Code Might Help Our Kids in School

Any of you remember the old days when they had dress codes in school? I went to a high school where the guys had to wear ties and even socks were mandatory for the guys. Girls didn't wear slacks and no one was allowed to wear jeans. Here's to the return of some basic dress codes.

The Irish Mental Health Hotline

Please listen carefully as our options have changed.

So there were these two penguins...

going on a plane trip to the park, see?

PC Magazine's Top 100 Sites

Every year, PC Magazine compiles its list of Top 100 Websites. Whether you agree or disagree with their choices, the list always makes for great reading and a good place to start when looking for fresh stuff online. They've even included a couple of new categories you never might have thought of.

TOP 10 INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO A CHEAPER HEALTH CARE PLAN:

10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

9) Directions to your Doctor's office include: "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

6) The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is "An apple a day."

5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typographical error.

3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."

2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED A VERY CHEAP HEALTH CARE PLAN:

1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape

More Star Wars Stuff on Its Way...

It's NEVER too early for Hallowe'en costumes for your pets! Check out the doggie Darth Vader!

Mind Games Dogs Play With Humans

1. After your humans give you a bath, Don't Let them Towel Dry you! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans' bedtime.
2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.
7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)

Hollywood One Ups Seattle for Parking Meters

For those of you who live and park in Downtown Seattle, you've probably come across our new "parking meters." They put them in the middle of each block and you can use your credit or debit card to pay for your parking (as well as cash, of course). It spits out a little receipt that you just stick inside your side window (sticker included and they even tell you when the meter expires). But West Hollywood just came out with an even cooler meter! You can punch in your pager or cell phone number and you'll get called before the damn meter runs out, saving you a parking ticket! Crazy!

The Coolest Utility for Photoshop Users and Photographers

All I can say is Wow! Autostitch is a program that some programmers developed at the University of British Columbia. You can feed it a whole batch of assorted pictures from a single collection and it turns around and sorts them all out like a jigsaw puzzle, seams them together magically and then manages to blend them into one single amazing image. It's incredibly easy to use but quite sophisticated in its ability to assemble images accurately. Check out the samples and demo on their site.



This composite is from six different shots I took over Lake Union across the street from my studio. Needless to say, you can tell I'm humbled and impressed by these guys! IMHO this program is better than ANYTHING Adobe Photoshop offers and the Beta version is still available as a FREE download right now.

Surviving a Zombie Attack

The final word on how to survive a zombie invasion. What everyone must know!

Free Online Graph Paper / Grid Paper PDFs

I still haven't figured out if this site is an absolute must-have or a complete waste of time and energy. How would you like to have pre-designed graph paper that will pull up in Adobe Acrobat PDF format for printing? Maybe more useful to engineering students?

All Things Star Wars

With the new Star Wars episode coming out shortly, the parodies are coming out of the woodwork left, right and center. This is one of the better ones to come along; and vegetarian too! Worth the wait for the flash to load up.

Rolling Stones Announce New Tour

Mick Jagger and Co. announced their latest tour with a short live concert in New York. How old is Sir Mick now? 62? Anyway, here's a fun takeoff from the promoters of the Australian Red Meat Council. Very cute.

CraigsList Posting of the Day

I love CraigsList. Once in a while, some wiseass posts up a good comeback to an idiotic posting. Here's a Personals listing on CraigsList Seattle and the response she got after. I love the attached sticker! Ha ha!

Politically Minded - 28

---

Reply to: anon-72734075@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-10, 8:59PM PDT


Looking for a smart, sexy guy to play with in Seattle. Please, no Republicans idiots. Send a picture, and I'll reply in kind. Don't worry, I'm very attractive.

• this is in or around Seattle
  
• no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  

72734075

RE...Politically Minded

---

Reply to: anon-72803519@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-11, 9:41AM PDT


This is funny. So much for the “tolerance”. I bet she thinks of herself as an open-minded person and doesn’t see her close-minded attitude.

Not to worry, “idiot” Republicans wouldn’t stoop to someone who says “Don’t worry, I’m attractive”. Yeah, we believe you.

Bet she’s just HOT!

• this is in or around Greater Seattle
  
• no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  

72803519

How to Turn your LPs into MP3s

For those of you vinyl afficianados out there with lots of LPs still in your collections (you know who you are out there!), HP has created one of the most complete tutorial sites on how to convert your LPs into MP3s. I recently bought a brand new Audio Technics AT-PL50 turntable (around $100) that has a preamp built into it; it also has a switch underneath that allows me to switch from analog to digital output. When you plug this turntable into a PC sound card, the digital option allows for crisp and compatible conversion. The cool equipment available today for cheap is staggering.

Peak Oil

Here's a link to a chilling 2-minute flash presentation on the global oil situation. Read it and weep. Then at least think about it...

I'm posting this on my two main blogs and I'd love it if everyone would forward this link to as many people as they know so the message goes out.

The Old Poodle

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story..

Don't mess with old farts... age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!

Louie Louie

Well, they're still at it. Since it first came out, the lyrics to the Kingsmen's Louie Louie have been the subject of a lot of things, including an investigation by J. Edgar's FBI, as well as bans by various schools and communities. But no one seems to really ever get a handle on what those damn lyrics actually say! Anyway, The Smoking Gun ran a new piece on it today and includes coverage on recent attempts to interpret and ban Louie Louie once again 40 years later. (Good luck!)

Commercial of the Week

The things they can do today with computer animation! This is one of the favorites to arrive in my Inbox this week. GE's ad agency deserves kudos for a series of incredibly light and fun new commercials that have turned up recently.

Finding Area 51 Using Google Maps!

Google Maps comes through again!

How to get there:

1. Type 'Rachel, NV' into Google, select Google Maps, go to 'satellite'
   
2. Zoom out three levels until you see several white splotches (salt flats, I presume)
   
3. Double click on the salt flat that's now along the left edge, an inch or two below the Zoom bar
   
4. Zoom back in a few levels

Darth's Blog

Just in time for the opening of the new movie: Darth Vader's blog.

The Mission: Impossible Improv Team

The Improv Everywhere Team is a loose-knit bunch of improv artists who set up some very unusual and generally hilarious scenarios in some pretty strange places. This link details their set up in the McDonald's Restaurant on Broadway next to the production of the Lion King. In this episode, their "agents" quickly turn the McDonald's restroom into a five-star facility complete with attendant and all the trappings. Well worth the read!

Damage to US Airways Window

Wow! Thanks to those diligent folks in maintenance at US Airways, they discovered this crack in the window of one of their planes before any further damage occurred!

Cockeyed.com presents: How Much Is Inside?

Ever wonder how much you're really getting inside all that fancy packaging? Well, wonder no longer!

The Time Traveler Convention - May 7, 2005

Looks like the upcoming Time Traveler Convention for May 7, 2005 is already full. But if you could time travel at will, why would you need an invitation to attend anyway?

Trailer Park Wedding

He has a mullet, his cleanest jeans and a young bride with a loaf in the oven. And, of course, they've got a Rottweiler!

Crazy 5's

From today's Drudge Report: Today at 5:05:05 am & pm the time will be 05:05:05 05/05/005....

05.05.005 comes only once in 1000 years and coinciding with Thursday (5th Day of the week) comes only once in 7000 yrs...

Take the Color Test

The Color Test Try this! It's tougher than you first expect! I promise you you'll take it more than once!

What Friendship Means to Men and Women

Friendship among women:

A woman doesn't come home at night. The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friend's house. The man calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know about it.

Friendship among men:

A man doesn't come home at night. The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friend's house. The woman calls her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them say he did sleep over and 2 claim he's still there.

How to Start a Fire with a Coke Can and a Chocolate Bar

Something you really have to know in case you're ever stuck in the woods and need to start a fire. With nothing more than an empty Coke can and a chocolate bar, you can get a fire going in short order (but you WILL need sunlight).

VEHICLE PEDESTRIAN ACCIDENT -- Read before viewing!

Hmmmm....maybe red-light cameras aren't such a bad thing! Read the story first then watch the video. In this amazing video taken from a Dayton, Ohio traffic camera, a PT Cruiser blows a red light and then T-bones a Subaru Forester. The Subaru then rolls over a pedestrian who didn't wait for the walk signal. What's even more amazing is that everyone survived the crash, even the pedestrian.

Dayton Police released the dramatic video that shows the SUV landing on top of a pedestrian after a crash. It happened yesterday at West Third and Edwin C. Moses. There are cameras at the intersection to catch red light runners. They show the victim walking in the cross walk when a car and an SUV crashed. The SUV then rolled over the pedestrian. Police say it all started when the driver of a PT Cruiser ran a red light and slammed into the SUV. At least one passer-by witnessed the crash and called 9-1-1. Police say the drivers got away with minor injuries. But the pedestrian, 43-year-old Scott Tegtmeyer was critically injured.

Now prosecutors are taking a close look at the video to determine what charges the driver of the PT Cruiser could face. Investigators say analysis of the video has already revealed some crucial factors. Police say the light had been red for 28 seconds when the PT Cruiser entered the intersection. They say Tegtmeyer should not have been crossing the street at the time because the crosswalk signal was red.

Amazingly, investigators also say that the massive dent left on the side of the SUV, caused by the impact of the crash, created a hollow space that kept Tegtmeyer from being crushed to death as the vehicle rolled over him. Tegtmeyer was listed in serious condition Monday night. So far, no charges have been filed. (His rabbit foot survived too!)

And Now for an Important Message on Backing Up Your Data

John Cleese on why you should back up your data.

Guess the Google Game

So just how good do you REALLY think you are at Google search words? Are you visually-oriented? Try your hand at figuring out the search word used to generate these images.

WARNING TO MEN: Playground Dangers

Dads -- you must be ever so vigilant of the hidden dangers lurking in our modern playgrounds these days! You have been warned!

Small Distractions for the Day

OK, OK -- this might only hold your attention for a few minutes. But maybe a break on Monday morning is just the thing you need. Drop kick members of your punk band, The Faint, into the audience. Best shot? All the way out to the parking lot!

Introducing amaztype from amazon.com

The folks at amazon.com have kicked up the creative folks a notch and given them more freedom just to have some fun! Their latest creation is a new site called amaztype (it's currently in Beta) that's based on their very own home-brewed search metrics. Type in names of books, authors or film directors and you'll see their name spelled out with pictures of their body of work. For example, when I typed in Truman Capote, every Capote book that comes up in amazon's database is used to spell out his name. You can click on each of the video, CD or movie covers to enlarge them and get more information on that item (and -- of course -- buy it from amazon! Slick!). Cool marketing gimmick and hours of distraction for the bored...

Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy

It had to happen! I've been marvelling for years over the ever-expanding amount of knowledge that we can find at any given moment online. Here's a new find for me: The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy. Comes in handy when you want to tell the difference between Sun Tzu from Lao Tzu..

The Church Gossip

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the local church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George being a man of few words, stared at her for a moment then just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... and left it there all night.

Johnny Cochran -- R.I.P.

His final word.

Forget Britney Spears: The ORIGINAL Oops! I Did It Again!

Oops! I Did It Again! was originally recorded in April 1932 by Louis Armstrong but went out of circulation not long after. It wasn't until Britney Spears put out her bubblegum version that anyone heard this song again. At long last, Supermasterpiece has released a cleaned up copy from the original wax cylinder recording for your download pleasure. This company specializes in re-mastering old originals. Check their other offerings out!

Creation of the Universe: The Chinese Version

This link was originally sent to me by a freind who pointed out that the second to last frame mentions the origins of stupid people (according to Chinese Mythology). But the animation and story are really well done and simply too good not to pass on. You might also want to check out the section on Chinese Culture.

And Just How Strong ARE Those Concrete Barriers?

How many times have you wondered how strong those cement barriers were that you see in front of military base entrances? Read the forwarded message below and then view the clip...

From time to time someone asks me what the concrete barriers are in front of controlled and secure buildings. When I tell them that the barriers will stop traffic, even trucks, from approaching the secure building usually get a look of disbelief. I've been looking for some footage like this to prove my point. In this test, the following parameters were used. Read them and then watch the film.

Truck = 65,000 lbs.

Speed = 50 mph

Kinetic Energy = 5.5 MILLION ft. lbs.

Stopped in 24 INCHES !!!

Bacon Strip Bandaids

One of my favorite gag and novelty stores anywhere is Archie McPhees right here in Seattle. What started off as a small novelty distributor business years ago now occupies two buildings in the Ballard area of Seattle. They also have a thriving mail order and catalog business so you can order stuff from them 24/7 from anywhere if you really, really can't make it to their store. I even dragged my children's Grandmother there when she came out here to visit at Christmas for some last-minute stocking stuffers (she was impressed!). Anyway, had to post these new must-have Bacon Strip Bandaids -- they're so cool! I'm going to pick some up for the medicine cabinets at home and at the studio right away! And be sure to check out the rubber chickens and the boxing rabbis and nuns while you're at it.

The Computer Shopper Freeware 50

Computer Shopper creates an annual list of their favorite 50 Freeware selections. Games, Utilities, Productivity and more! Check 'em out!

Pimp my shopping cart

A lot of you already know that mTV's Pimp My Ride is one of the few network shows that I love. Here's enGadget's take on the same theme: Pimp My Shopping Cart. These guys just might be on to something here!

The New NEW Food Pyramid

Remember the old Food Pyramid that was introduced years ago? Well, the people in the PR department over at The Dept. of Agriculture have been at it again. But instead of one pyramid, they've now come up with twelve! A dozen! Might as well make it REALLY confusing. This will probably give Mrs. Brown -- the dowdy old Grade 4 Science and Health teacher -- at least two weeks of material to bore her class with!

Airline Food!

Ah yes! Remember the old days of real meals on the airlines? Heck, they even served it with real cutlery on some flights. Well, here's a site that claims to be the first "about nothing but airline food." Seems like most of the best airlines that care about feeding their passengers are over in Asia. Pretty soon, there'll be two kinds of airlines: one that charges appropriately and treats its customers with class and another that gives you a shot of Demerol, packs you in a box and ships you from Point A to Point B for the lowest possible price! Personally, I'd prefer to be awake for the whole flight...

Indigo Arts

Since eBay first began in the mid-90s (man, does that sound like a long time ago!), I've often thought about the possibility of an online marketplace for worldwide craftspeople. You'd browse the widest selection of arts and crafts and in every price range. You'd pick and pay for the items that you liked, receiving your prized work in a short while.

Well, it turns out that Indigo Arts was started in 1986 by a young couple determined to bring folk art to the masses. This labor of love has grown into a wonderful web presence that still has incredible potential for growth. I wouldn't be surprised if eBay (or amazon.com) bought an interest in their company soon. The advantages would be exponentially beneficial! PayPal for seamless international (and guaranteed) payments and a forum to vet out honest Buyers and Sellers. Art to and for the people!

Slashdot Random Story Generator

So-ooo Cool! Those crazy Slashdot inside tech news folks have created their very own Random Story Generator! Keep refreshing the screen and you'll see new, whacky stories generated from title words taken from past stories. An endless source of new news!

Aha -- That Sand Artist!

A lot of you have already written to me about the sand artist at SICAF 2003! Anyway, he's a Hungarian artist named Ferenc Cako and you can get to his website here. He also has more on his sand art at another site here (unfortunately, I think any bandwidth access might crash his host!). This dude ROCKS!!!

Webster's Online Dictionary - The Rosetta Edition

Referred by my friend, Peter:

What do you get when you start with Webster’s classic 1913 unabridged dictionary, and you add updated definitions, thousands of images (one picture being worth a thousand words…), quotes, trade names, references, timelines, translations and any other bit of information that can help someone understand a word from as many perspectives as possible? For any given word, what you get is Webster’s Online Dictionary - the Rosetta EditionTM.

[An extraordinary reference source!]

Wow! I've never heard of this guy before but...

A friend just sent me this video clip of a unique sand artist who performed at SICAF (Seoul International Cartoon & Animation Festival). Apparently from the credit at the end of this video, it was shot in Seoul, Korea in 2003. Maybe you can Google SICAF to find out more about this guy. He's definitely VERY unique and one of the best on-the-fly artists I've seen in a long time. Performance art? This isn't a small file (approx. 19 Mb) so you might just want to stream it instead of downloading to save.

I'm so impressed with this guy that I'm posting him up on both of my personal blogs.

Teachers Do The Funniest Things

A primary school class started a class project to make a planter to take home to their parents. They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of, so they decided to use cactus plants. The students were given greenware pottery planters in the shape of a clown, which they painted with glaze. It was great fun. The students planted cactus seeds in the finished planters and they grew nicely, but unfortunately the children were not allowed to take them home... The cactus plants were removed and replaced with small ivy and the children took those home instead.

The teacher said, "Cactus seemed like a good idea at the time!!"

Drink and Get Smarter

Strong Cough Syrup

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks his clerk : "What's with the guy out there by the wall?"

The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner, wide -eyed and excited shouts: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives."

The clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can. Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

Smart Engineers or Just Geeks?

From this picture, I might conclude this work was 1) done by guys, 2) they had wa-ay too much time on their hands, 3) they were engineers, 4) this a good use for old CRT monitors.

Campaign for Canadian World Domination!

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. The worldwide headquarters site of the Campaign for Canadian World Domination. Yikes! Do I stay in the States? Do I run back to Canada? Oh the agony of it all!

Casualties of War

This bit of information from a friend in Ohio. While every single casualty of war is hard to take, looking at things with a different perspective can make you think a little more.

According to icasualties.org , there have been 88 hostile fire deaths caused by firearms since the beginning of hostilities in Iraq. The remainder of coalition deaths have been due to explosives or accidents.

What does this mean?

If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in theater during the last 22 months, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.

But the rate in the District of Columbia is 80.6 per 100,000.

That means that you are more likely to be shot and killed in our Nation's Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq, where just about everybody is armed.

The conclusion?

We should immediately pull out of WASHINGTON, DC!

The Google Wow Factor!

Well, Google has been punching my Wow! button every week or two with all the new features and products they keep bringing out, adding to current products or acquiring. On Monday, they announced that they were adding a Beta version of their satellite imaging feature to Google Maps. They acquired satellite map company, Keyhole, based in Mountain Valley CA, around six months ago. You can type in an address, then click the Satellite button in the upper right corner to get the satellite picture; you can even zoom in with amazing detail. I found our house and my studio in Seattle and you can currently find just about any place in North America. Hey -- print out an image of your Mom and Dad's house and send them a framed copy! Surprise your friends! Spy on your enemies!

Have You Ever Felt Like This in a Store?

A fun commercial from Europe with a surprising sponsor...

How to Make an Arrest

Here's a short evening news clip from Spain. Apparently, the Spanish authorities have a different way of dealing with the REALLY bad guys; wish our cops could do this over here sometimes.

My Way News: Tankless Toilet Makes a Fashion Statement

A completely new concept in toilets from Kohler: no tank!

Commercial of the Week

Sometimes we get really good commercials out of Asia.

Aerial Acrobatics

Many, many years ago, I went up a couple of times in a glider and got the sh*t scared out of me but still thoroughly enjoyed it (kind of like that roller coaster ride posted earlier...). If you've ever enjoyed watching small planes do stunt flying, then this 6-minute clip will absolutely dazzle you.

English as a Second Language

I believe that good manners include trying to learn the native language of the country you're visiting. But sometimes the most innocent of attempts to convey messages in English can result in some hilarious results (I'm sure we sound the same when trying to talk to them with a dictionary in hand!) The following signs have been found in various locations, using the English language somewhat creatively...

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER 01:: FOOT HE AVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLE YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On an Athi River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

In a cemetery
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

One of the Mathare buildings:
MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.

Supermarket, Hong Kong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

From the "Soviet Weekly":
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.

In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

Nothing like a Wild Roller Coaster Ride

But this one's NOT for me! I have no idea where this puppy's located (the snow might be a hint) but it's one of the most bad-ass rides I've ever seen. It hurts just looking at it!








And the money shot:

New Invention from Texas A&M!

Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.

Tiger Woods Driving Practice (Dubai Style)

Dude! It must be cool to get paid for doing what you do and having fun while you're at it. This is a link to a page of pictures of Tiger Woods taking some shots off a "special" tee during his stay for the Desert Classic in Dubai. He got paid $1 million just to show up and play and this was part of the recreation.

Your Longevity Test

Here's a quick questionnaire on how long you'll live based on some very simple criteria that most insurance companies also use to calculate policies. Not absolutely accurate but a fun way to play with different factors in your life to see if you can extend your life. Just being able to use the BMI calculator -- Body Mass Index -- should prove really useful! Have fun!

World Wildlife Federation Tiger Camera Trap

The World Wildlife Federation set up a remote-controlled "Camera Trap" to snap flash pictures of this rare Sumatran tiger. If they'd used a photographer, he'd probably have been eaten, as you soon see in these incredible time-lapse photos.

David Spade as Owen Wilson on SNL

The March 12th Saturday Night Live had guest host Clint Eastwood fresh off his Oscar wins. One of the skits was a "roast" which featured David Spade as actor Owen WIlson. Not too much fuss there. But recently, a few people started making enquiries into the liberties they took in making fun of the real-life Wilson's nose (it IS pretty big and kinda strange-looking). Anyway, here's a picture from that skit. You can also see it larger by clicking on the picture for those of you who want a closer look. Hey, man -- I'm only the messenger here...

Your Drivers' License Tells It All

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady -- honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers' license It's like a report card and it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are; you're 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an 'F' in sex."

Seven Omigod Pictures!

Omigod7

Posted by Hello

Omigod3

Posted by Hello

Omigod4

Posted by Hello

Omigod5

Posted by Hello

Omigod6

Posted by Hello

Omigod1

Posted by Hello

Omigod2

Posted by Hello

An Incredible Piece of Flash Programming.

This is the most amazing collaborative graphic art project. Be patient when it first starts up. After the site finishes loading, you'll first see a strip of text and instructions to click on the bottom. Then the first scene comes up. Click and drag upward very slowly to move forward. Drag down and you'll move back.

This is a loop so you will eventually end up back where you started. About the third time through, you'll want to stop very frequently to take a good look.

Absolutely amazing -- I was truly impressed!

Blondes could be on endangered list -- Study

Even if your heart isn't tugged by the plight of the panda or the spotted owl, you might want to spare a thought for the latest endangered species. Blondes. German researchers say natural blondes may disappear within two centuries. Blonde hair is the result of a recessive mutation, which means you have to inherit it from both your parents. But the Germans say that so many people are fake blondes that natural blondes aren't getting as many chances to mate. If blondes aren't mating as often, there aren't as many copies of the blonde gene being passed on, so blondes are in danger of going the way of the dodo. If you'd like to see the last blondes in the wild, go to Finland. The gene is most common there, which means that's where the last natural blonde will probably be born.

My Visit to New Orleans

Well, I had to be in New Orleans for a couple of days earlier this week. A veritable hodgepodge of Southern life for better or worse. (More to come about my motel room stay on my RobertinSeattle blog.) But there's always humor everywhere you go. Next door to the TraveLodge I stayed at was the BG Mart owned and run by a Chinese family in a black neighborhood. Great sign outside -- so appealing I actually had to run in and order some takeout late one night! Sweet-and-sour-chicken with an egg roll and black-beans-and-rice on the side! Yum-mmm! (Really -- it was great!)

What was even cooler was the chicken coop built on the side (look at the fenced pen on the right of the picture behind the car); they had a dozen or so prize chickens running around ready for the next week's chicken dishes! Got too dark to take another picture of the chickens (I also didn't want to get shot...) 

Robert in Seattle: Staying at The Travelodge New Orleans

Robert in Seattle: Staying at The Travelodge New Orleans

Bob Parson's Take on Saving Toby the Rabbit

Here's Bob Parson's take on that Save Toby website. Seems that it's caused him no end of personal grief from animal activists and the like for even posting the links. I think it's great marketing myself.

The Sensitive Guy

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is FULL of bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says, "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

Great Pepsi Commercial

My friend George from Canada forwarded this funny Pepsi Dog Lovers' commercial to me.

Unhappy Birthday

Did you know Happy Birthday is copyrighted and the copyright is currently owned and actively enforced by Time Warner?

Did you know that if you sing any copyrighted song:
...at a place open to the public
...or among a substantial number of people who are not family or friends
You are involved in a public performance of that work?

Did you know an unauthorized public performance is a form of copyright infringement?

It's true! Read more about this here!!!

Some Florida Seniors Jokes

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.

"Disregard." He says. "She got in the back seat by mistake."
_______________________________________

FAMILY

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
_______________________________________

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
_______________________________________

LITTLE LADY:

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

_______________________________________

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
_______________________________________

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time ...but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
_______________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
______________________________________

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

Offical Royal Wedding Photo

I know, I know -- it's mean-spirited. But "official" wedding photos for the upcoming Royal wedding of Charles and Camilla have already begun circulating to my Inbox. So here ya go:

Bored at Work This Morning Already?

This game is even better than counting sheep!

No Nursing Home for Me

About two years ago , I was on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner I noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I noticed that all the staff, ship officers, waiters, busboys, etc. all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

As I left the dining room one evening, I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises."

She replied, "Yes, that's true."

I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home."

So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess cruise ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 a day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week.)
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste, razors, soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 to 14 days.
7. TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip, you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship, they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

P. S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge!

Weather Forecasting Rock

This has got to be the most accurate weather rock in the world.





A friend sent this to me with a timely addition:
IF ROCK IS DUSTY... Blame it on Mount St. Helens

Robert the Real-Life Horror Doll

Hey, I lived in Key West and never heard of this dude but read the story on The Horror Channel's site and got scared! Makes you wanna go down there and take his picture, man. While you're visiting the site, you may want to check out all the other horror stories they've got posted online.

Batting Penguins

A really simple but fun Flash Game. Click to make the penguin jump and then click again in time to make the polar bear swing the bat to hit the penguin across the ice! WARNING: This is amazingly addictive (at least to guys!) and a HUGE waste of time!

How Good is Your Memory?

A friend sent this link to me. Guess which of the twelve Lincoln pennies on this page is the real one; the other eleven are doctored. No cheating now! Keep those hands out of your pocket or purse! It's all about memory and observation skills.

Interpreting Employment Ads

"Competitive Salary"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"Join Our Fast Paced Company"
We have no time to train you.

"Casual Work Atmosphere"
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.

"Must be Deadline Oriented"
You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"Some Overtime Required"
Some time each night, some time each weekend.

"Duties will Vary"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"Must have an Eye for Detail"
We have no quality control.

"Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience"
You will need to replace three people who just left.

"Problem Solving Skills a Must"
You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on.

One of the Truly Annoying Videos

Some people can be annoying without even trying very hard. Make that a geek with too much time on his hands and you have the most annoying clip of the week.

A Penguin Joke.. as Told by Chimps

From Comedy Central, a great penguin joke.

From My Recent Trip to New York

Chinatown in New York!

Well, you always see these collections of cool crazy signs that other people run into and you wonder how they ever run into those things. We were walking along in Chinatown New York looking for a decent dim sum place and came up on the New Big Wang Restaurant. This one merited a photograph!

Best Live Police Chase

Even better than Dukes of Hazzard. If you get glued to the tube every time they show one of those stupid police car chases where you KNOW the guy's gonna get caught, then this one's for you!!!